Prove You’re A Dallas Local

I love lists. D Magazine did a great one for “What You Must Do In Dallas“. There is some great stuff in there. I’ll be a picky mother fucker and point out that there is a few that are not even in Dallas. Chicken friend steak in Roanoke? Drinks in Ft. Worth? Balloons in Plano? I’m pretty sure you can get drunk, eat something fried and get high at the State Fair that’s in Dallas. No need to go to all these places. So I broke down a couple of thought about this on Twitter but thought I’d compile them in a post for you. Enjoy my list of things that prove you are a Dallas local.

  • Been Dale Hansen’s Designated Driver.
  • Be black in Highland Park. (This will allow you to also get pulled over in Highland Park.)
  • Embarrassed of your Mayor honoring a felon.
  • Bought weed from Quincy Carter.
  • Avoid the “Pee Seat” on DART. This can be combined with “Watch Homeless Peeing on the DART Train”.
  • Drive 45 minutes out of town to see your local baseball and football team play.
  • You are NEVER scared when Jerry Jones’s face is in HD.
  • Didn’t get to go to this years’ Super Bowl.
  • You fail to cheer the local college you actually went to and choose between UT and A&M.
  • Don’t give a fuck about the show Dallas.
  • Have a Norm HitzgesĀ impression.
  • Cock-punched someone for saying “I really like having that Subway in Deep Ellum.”
  • Seen parents in a bare fisted brawl at a high school football game. Also will accept Pee Wee and Middle School games.
  • Get RT from @nbc5janemcgarry on Twitter with a #FUCKYES hashtag.